resolved

i will take time in my life
i will give myself lots of time to recover from the events of the fall
two weeks is not "lots of time", nor is three
it is OHHKAYYY to hide out.
and do yoga
and eat
and drink liquor

ordinary triumphs, part II

for years (maybe) I have been concerned about "each other" vs. "one another." I heard someone once say that there was a grammatical issue therein and I was sure, on my grammar high horse, that I was doing it wrong. I thought I'd done the research and it was complicated, but even so, this one's been bothering me lately and I figured I'd better try again. We ease the anxiety where we can, no? so i checked it out. and it's the easiest ever!

• Use "each other" with two people.
  
  
• Use "one another" with more than two people.

Um, yeah. I think I can remember that.

it does not quit

on top of the everything that is life, this came in this morning from stepdad

First off, I am fine and expect to be around for a long time. I was, however, diagnosed with a form of lymphoma. I went to the dermatologist for my regular checkup and he found a rash that he didn't like so he took a specimen. It turned out to be a lymphoma which hopefully can be treated topically. I started the treatment last Monday and will continue for a month. The good news is that it seems to be working. If it works, that is it until it appears again.
If not, then they will have to try something else. As I said, it is looking pretty good at this time. Apparently, this type of lymphoma is seen more often in "older" men.

yesterday i melted down. i'm planning to continue doing so until it's no longer needed.

things not to do at work when you're frustrated with a lack of boss-al feedback

start 4 games of scrabble
change your checking account
shop for tights online
eat cookies
email the family
eat chocolates
post room on cr@igslist
make groups on f@cebook
draw graffiti on same
cruise cr@igslist for furniture
blog

what is the right thing to do:
find initiative, take it
and always: major web redesign

me too

word, *jenni.

oh dear.

You'd think, reading the medical advice columns, that I'd had surgery.

If you looked at me, you'd not think that.

I'm not supposed to exercise, or lift heavy things, or have sex, or go to work.

As. If.

But okokok I'll wait a little longer for the dangerous ones. Moving Day isn't for at least another 2 weeks. So lay off, doc(s).

what to get the girl who has friends, intelligence, competence, and beauty

I started a quiz on f@cebook- "What do you want more of?" and crapped out after selecting my top 2: money, time. The other- beauty, confidence, creativity, friends, i figured "nah, I can work with what I've got."

Now if the list had just been a little more materialistic: What I DO want is boots, a great couch, money, a salad spinner, and some jewelry. But who doesn't?

i *luv* SF

and cannot WAIT to get on one of these. which line, MUNI? which line do i have to ride? please not the 38.

lessons learned

i do want kids one day

when i have a real partner
when i have a good home
when i won't fail at my job with nausea

and now is not that time.

she was gonna be great, though. let's face it.

rhetorical questions

1) Is it crossing the picket line, or some such un-labor-ly thing to do, right, to watch TV online right now? This is something I almost never do (with the exception of the D4ily Show back in the old days), but have had a terrible desire to do lately. And no, I still haven't.


2) If my guts are producing too much bile (which is what it feels like, I'm pretty sure), and bile processes fats, is that why i feel truly Better when i eat everything deep fried or cheesy? Because under normal circumstances those foods would make me feel awful- sluggish, lame, etc. But right now, they make me feel (ah that elusive feeling) Normal.

Finally, I can't remember. Isn't that the way. But when you're done reading here, would you see what you can do to find me a sweet apartment in SF? Thanks.

lately at work i feel very smart

i like it. i talk to the bosses now. the bosses at other companies, that is. not the other underlings, but the ones in charge. and i act like me, and i happen to be quite bright. it's rad.

it's going to be so much better when i'm not wishing i were napping.

ordinary triumphs

In the face of extraordinary, um, inconvenience, it's nice to win a little bit now and then.

For instance, On Sunday I discovered that there is central heat in my house.This is astounding, especially considering the dismal state of weatherproofing in these "charming Victorians." On Monday I found the thermostat. It had been set at 48-50, and had occasionally turned on (this is unacceptable to a Texan). I moved it to a tropical 65 and enjoyed a balmy evening.

Then at the house meeting last night, the Maine-iacs said they don't believe in heating the house. Fuck them. It was fun to tell them they're wrong, and that heaters are for using. Triumphs 1 & 2.

Then I was reminded of a "friend" (ok, my VERY first girl crush from high school, but who has since turned l-a-m-e) whose boyfriend broke up with her for being "too boring." The worst part? She petitioned for him to take her back, and he did. And so she lives with that every day. That this is not my life is Triumph #3.

What will be #4??

34D

got damn. i mean, i knew they were big, but DAMN.

Also, Thomas (nephew, right) and I are totally BFF. I am #2 on his Thanksgiving top 3. Just above the beach, and under Leg0land. I mean, seriously, for a 7 year old, that's pretty good.

This is decision week, folks. I have 2 contradictory appointments on Weds & Fri. By Sat, we will know what the upcoming months hold: more of what was, or massive changes yet unknown. The latter would also probably involve a relocation back to my SF. YAY!

Finally, reporting comments 2-4 of "You seem very content and happy. [and beautiful.]" from this weekend. My earth element is so activated, I'm chiller than ever. If only i weren't so nauseous.

no caffeine + no alchohol

+ crippling nausea + massive fatigue + mood swings the likes of which I have never known + life decisions bigger than god.

what about this was interesting to me? fuck this noise, man. I'm sick of eating crackers.

i cancelled 2 pl@nned p. appt's today. now there's just the one with the actual health care provider next week. yeee to the haw, bitches.

just thanksgiving and 4 other family member to visit before then. cake, right? (/gags, gets warm and fuzzy, cries her eyes out, goes to sleep)

love
a shell of the me we used to know

soooo sick

this is not agreeing with me.

*blurp

today the queasies start. maybe it's just the compounded anxiety plus work and mom-in-town. hard to tell. regardless: oohf.

"i'd really like to be able to do this"

"do you think we could?"

maybe i'll end it after all

i mean, really? mother?

real life comes back fast.

thank god for a trip to the spectacular coast with the sunshine team!

i am very emotional

relatively anxious in a buzzy bee kind of way.

also scared the fuck out of my mind

and alternately glowing blissfully.

isn't this a fun time?

omgomgomgomgogomg

serious shit.

so big

i can't wait to tell the ladies this weekend.

sort of

cause i'm also sort of terrified, still.

there's a sign on my cubicle

identifying me as an

"Environmentally Preferable Energy Source"

I like it a lot.

2 more things about fall

mmmmmmmmm

things i like about fall

I'm going to make a list to distract myself from the fact that days are shorter and the cold is coming and dressing (even at home, even in bed! Gah!) has to be more careful to prevent the sniffles & the chills. blech. So here's #1:
my pirate nephews could totally EAT yours.

la la la la songtime

you know how relationships have "songs"?

me & the liz had two: It Ain't Me, Babe and The stunner below. Hello? Yeah, and we knew it. But we seemed to like the irony.

Jim the thinker and I had a Very Special moment in the car one night (after I asked him to PLEASE turn off the Phlsh) with this one. Which is also quite telling. ("I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave"? yes. just wait a week or two, sir.) And I knew it when it happened.

(Baby) Boy toy and I have had a few moments: one with Mush@boom, a couple with R. K3lly (see, we have a well-rounded situation). But what terrifies me is that a major point of our 'thing' has been the movie Kn0cked Up. eeeeeeeeek

Saturday is on fire

Thriller in Dolores Park

Party @ HSJ

Dancing with emls & the Magdog

I wonder where I'll be?

my birthday's coming

and i want to go here for dinner. Mom & dick are coming to town, so they'll foot the bill.

I'm single, again, now, as usual, which makes the prospect of birthday dinner on Friday night with mom & pops a little depressing. goddamn. better no one than a lame one, i guess. and it's Berkeley, so who cares?

----------
UPDATE: We have reservations. FOR THREE. yippee! Chez Panisse. the mystery of the unknown, local, fantasy cuisine will be no more. i will know the glory of the fancy boho hippie pork chop--well except for the part where i don't really eat pork.

I'm also having some sort of Young People fun on Saturday. Maybe at my house. 11/17. after Pina Bausch (I have an extra ticket if you know any avante garde performance lovers). hello? this may be a delicious birthday after all.

maybe i'll go back on nerve...

I feel like dating again. the show's almost over, the house has its flow, i need a new [something] to occupy my time.

actually- that's the god quest, isn't it. OHHkay, blog. Thanks for the reminder.

I'll stay out of the personals for a few more minutes, then.

and call magdog. for tea. or yoga? yeeeeehaw.

...for it to ever last.

Billie said it too. /sigh.

need music!

dance music, rock music. no more emo indie rock. suggestions???

i'm getting a new job

It's a promotion, I think.

It's a raise, for sure.

It means I haven't had time to read my blogs ALL WEEK! can you believe it? I can't. who's getting fugged? how sore is Jenni from tech? These are things I do not know.

It's ok.

Cause all this work is payin off. I'm movin on up. This is what I was asking for at the hellhole last year, and now I got it without askin! I like it. Stay tuned for details.

what's awesome? soup

3 California red potatoes
2 California brown potatoes
6 easter egg radishes (2 for snacking with your co-chefs) from California
5 lbs carrots
1 gigantic yellow California onion
1 big hunk ginger, peeled & chopped
leaves of 1 bunch fresh Eatwell thyme
1/4" California olive oil
cumin
1 c. soaked garbanzo beans
asparagus broth
2 cups Oakland tap water
half a tetrapak "organic on sale" veggie stock
sea salt from France

sautee, cook, mash.

Delish. It's turning into my signature dish.

this post is for steven

cause cate blanchett could rock superbigrockstar.

oh hell yeah

i hit my head

i was leaning over, arranging my clothes in my bag. I stood up, but there was a wooden shelf between my folded and upright postures. it hurt, and i started crying.

i cried for half an hour.

then i went to asana class and started tearing up again...and then I was ok. but i called to get a ride home.

because i'm going to learn how to ask for support, dammit.

ps this is week 6 of medicine detox. i'm a little achy, and a little sleepy, but i also work hard, walk to work, and do yoga and dance regularly. in 2005 terms, we are mid-May. the blog shows that the pain (and the crying) hit right about now. This time i know I have to feel the old pain and the new, and I have to feel them til they're gone. And I have to ask for help and I have to not take care of the world. I think i'm on the right track.

but betty is nice

and so is lola

and so's the other person i hung out with yesterday

and so are nachos

and going for a walk

and wearing dansko's

also still with the big earrings.

and the yoga. meditation. rest. cashew ice cream.

{emag}, you're a prick

also- seriously? do you work 20 hours a week for $12/hr and you have the most expensive room in the house? and two cars? what?

and we're back

back to normal. back to complicated. back to the real shit.

commitment
goddammit

wish i had a youtube of essenbaby doing ASL for "complicated." that would be the perfect illustration.

anyway, my girlfriends are hot. and nice. and sean hayes, well he's a bit beasty with his scruffiness. but his voice is still sweet.

as was my meditation this morning. remembering to breathe.

who's drinking tonight? i'm coming to the city. wanna play?

what's the recipe

1) guru
2) new love
3) giant earrings

i'm happy again

really happy.

i got taken off Sustainable Ag

which, knowing my agricultural obsession (see links at right), you'd think would be kind of a bummer.

it's not.

It's a GIANT SIGH of relief. AAAH.

dammit, maggie

your wedding CD got me all gushy.

and last night i think maybe i fell. it was an accident. but it feels really good. and grounded, and now. did i mention good?

BLIK

this one?

or this one?

i <3 blik, and it's just the thing for my big blank wall. but oh the decisions!



in happier news, i'm not in pain today. why? no tellin. it's not like I got my medicine...(that's you, fucking Kaiser fucks. but let's not get started about health care.)

I had a fun trip! here's what happened:

saw crazypants! he's so damned smart. and nice. and fun. yay for genius friends everywhere.
had a productive conversation with my mom! used NVC! or maybe active listening! something. whatever it was, it got through. kinda.
watched Britney's pathetic VMA performance. Thanks, jetBlue, for saving me from actually watching that whole mess.

yay! happy weekend! everyone is married! more time for meditating!

because i live a varied existence

I'm also leaving town tomorrow. I'm gonna go to the art museum. and maybe see crazypants.

might have to cry again

my shoulder hurts so bad.

i can't get any medicine until next week.

i'm already about 5 days late on my prescription.

i like to pretend i'm not sick. and then it hurts SO BAD.

and then the tears come. all the pain of my life.

oops

i did it again.

quarter-world traveler

i know i've never been to asia, and I've only touched the tippy top of africa...and ok, never south america, really, either...but what I just realized is that i have never crossed the equator! So Rio New Year is looking damned important. who's in!?

earthquake!

the thing about earthquakes happening is that it make me realize they're real.

and then i get worried- "is that all?" and then my scorpionic death obsession kicks in and i wonder if a huge one's coming and if i should really do something to prepare. like run outside or something? and what really happens is that i become paralyzed, deer in headlights style, waiting for the death blow.

and then i blog. so far, my technique is failsafe!

well, i'll be damned

SF/Oakland is the number one city for singles, according to Forbes. That's right, they included Oakland on their SF listing, and they don't seem to care about the rash of weddings. Maybe it's because of all the polyamorists. Hell yes, peoples!

http://rebeccaandthehippies.org/

I'm not there- I'm also not at burners without borders.

nope- I'll be upstairs makin toast.

and praying.

celebrating Magdog was hella fun. hot friends are SO Much Hotter than hot strangers.

maybe the'burbs will just burn down!

okok the CO2 produced from a massive burn of urban sprawl would be pretty big, but wouldn't it be cool to re-imagine those horrible landscapes?

you know, start over, now that we're smarter?

man

for the B O D* I am, I sure have a lot of boy crushes.

seriously. i have a LOT of them.

(*big ol dyke)

thanks, friend

life is kinda hard these days. thanks for the sleepover and a brilliant day brightener.

in Latest Resolutions, i will
1) make a dance to Glamorous Life
2) go to Ironworks gym (because it's not really a "gym")
3) go to self defense class in the morning and play with my dog all afternoon. tomorrow, that is. today's just yoga. aaah.

i don't know where i am

i use this blog to chart what the hell is going on inside, right?

and then i read it, to meditate on that.

and then i can see trends through time or whatever.

but this week i have no idea where i am.

i might just be living.

i bought the ticket to the g.d. DC wedding, spending an extra $100 to spend 5 more hours with my mom. She's worth it.

Maybe she'll take me shopping.

Boots would be worth a hundred bucks, too.

OK-back to the conference room.

ughhhhhhhhhh

i don't wanna!!!! buy a ticket!!!!!!

i just want to play in my garden and read books and take naps. when, people! when will you stop wedding yourselves!?!? (of course i am thrilled that everyone has a terrific Life Partner. It's just the travel aspect that's wearing me out.)

Thu, Sep 06
12:05pm Depart - Oakland, CA (OAK) Airline Logo JetBlue 302 Adult Fare Rules
8:05pm Arrive - Washington DC-Dulles (IAD) Nonstop
Total Travel Time: 5 hrs 0 min
Return Flight

Sun, Sep 09
6:30am Depart - Washington DC-Dulles (IAD) Airline Logo JetBlue 315 Adult Fare Rules
9:11am Arrive - Oakland, CA (OAK) Nonstop
Total Travel Time: 5 hrs 41 min
Save this whole itinerary

Price Summary
Travelers Price
Base Fare (1 adult) = $ 240.00
Taxes and Fees = $ 45.80
Total Price = $ 285.80
Please remember that prices are not guaranteed until flights are ticketed. The following prices are for electronic tickets. If your itinerary requires a paper ticket, additional fees may apply.

dear [almost everyone I know],

Let's make this our book club for the Fall. Let's take more naps and fewer hangover remedies. And go for more walks and make more spontaneous movie plans and less "oh god i don't wanna!" commitments. Deal?

I'm starting by taking a nap in the driveway island instead of reading Perez, looking forward to my juicy, reasonable plans with YOU!

i'm working so much, you see.

and also: i don't feel like blogging!

remember way back

remember way back in like, say, February '05, when i was making that giant move, because i needed to seriously rearrange my life? and remember how i was like "gosh, i probably don't have to go all the way to TEXAS, but it will be so hard to reinvent myself with all of my same friends around...otherwise I could just move to Oakland!"

It is done, my pretties. I am an Oakland resident. Berkeley was sort of giving me hives. I realize that now. Oakland is real, and when i say "real" i mean "not so crazy white." aha.

Also, I am having some sexuality issues right now. But I love my house. love love love it. left the bed of the baby boy at 2am to get back into it, in fact. Well, those two are pretty related, aren't they. eh.

praise jeebus innyways.

teee heee

somebody i don't like tried to befriend me on Facebook.

I ignored it.

Cause i don't live with her friend anymore, and I don't like her!

Yay! (titter)

dreams

as i was waking up this morning, lola and i were perched on a stump- that was somehow growing taller- above a lake. a beautiful, clear blue lake, with giant fish swimming around. they were sharks- or were they dolphins? or were they tuna? i couldn't tell, but i knew i was in a lake. which meant even though they looked a whole lot like sharks, they weren't. i was safe. even if i was scared...

we were talking talking, talking it all out...and i wanted to swim- it was hot, or i wanted to get back to shore, or the stump was getting too tall...and in the middle of one of our sentences i jumped.

i have a new home. i think my saturn has finally returned. i spent 2 years wandering, and now i'm back. mostly where i started...but better. and now i'm happy. or at least I know.

about the new neighborhood...

so uh....

there was a raid a block from my [new] house this morning. that's fun! as i was leaving my old house, i was terrorized by a middle aged {mom} in a giant SUV. Which is scarier???

tomorrow: painting! who's in?

it's only wednesday

this week is soooooooo loooooooong.

everyone knows about the move. all involved parties, anyway. baby boy moved to the east bay while he looks for permanent digs. will that enhance my sex life? one can only hope.

boyfriend is in too deep a denial to deal with. yay for psycho-alliteration.

also, thank god for gmail girlfriends. they keep it real and hot.

so: (new) house meeting tonight, packing tomorrow, art murmur friday, moving sat, makeouts sat night, dancing sunday, then what? finish moving? set up the new? clean up the old? oh lord. how am i still at work?

this is what I want to be

i'm sort of in jealous love with this woman. her husband is "Cranky," her garden is amazing, she is in awe of it and she knows she is blessed.

awesome.

lola: home: swimming: boyfriend in denial

big weekend, yo.

i have now:

suntan
east bay girlfriend (not for sex, just for boy talk)
new bed
new home
boyfriend in denial. we're good friends. we spend a LOT of time together.

i hope he helps me move.
hehe

also: papa

today's my dad's birthday. happy birthday papa.

i might have to move

not because i have to, exactly, but because i'm pretty compelled to move into this spot.

i may need to let my friends just be my friends. it feels like a wall, but i think it might just be a healthy boundary. mm hmm.

it's also hard for this control freak to let go of the work i've invested @ pine ave. but if i have be there to keep it alive, well, that's telling too.

can you say:

transitional (not bouge) neighborhood
7 roommates. yikes. 2 kitchens. ah.
big garden, fig tree!!
used to be a freakin zen center
rainwater catchment
no hierarchy
conscious communication
1 mile to these top 3 places: work, lola's, paki trailer park?

i'm drafting the "yes please!" email right now. we'll see if i send it. eeeee!!!!!!!!!

ps i did it again with the sex panda. man do we get WILD!

i want to read this

when i can pay more attention.

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20070730/johnson

so i'm sharing it with you too!

isn't it interesting what makes it into a blog?

i mean, there is A LOT of stuff moving and interesting in my life. i will not bore you with the list.

what gets me to blogging today though is a lil task at work: i am about to remove the words “the right to organize” from a marketing piece for everyone's favorite megaplex of "natural" foods. at their request.

yeah, they hate unions. one more reason to keep it local. did you know there are 18% more farmers markets than there were THREE years ago? you know what that is? f'in radical, man.

and for the record, this place's produce is [a gajillion] times better than this place's. in case you're shopping on the way to my barbeque!

4.2 @ 4:42

earthquake! we had a lil panty party @ the cathouse when we all jumped up and ran to the living room...and then we went back to bed. there's broken glass on my floor though!

lola comes back today!!!!!!!!!

i rule at parking

i am a city girl again! also, this is reason #435 that if i am going to have a car, this lil number is the one to have.

where are the flying pigs?

hell appears to have frozen over.

that's right. the jus is gone.

like margarine

this is what happened on gmail today when my timing was off:



so what i'm expecting will happen is i will go to the movie with my housemate. (wah wah)

or, maybe i'll get some serious action. pa-pow!

garden philosophy

yesterday we (me & miro) finished pulling out the madness of bolted bok choy & mustards in the front. aaah. we harvested radishes & snap peas from the back bed, added some stones (thanks, Duncan) to the walkway, and while she thinned the radish/turnip albatross, i shoveled compost. We have harvested the first of our home grown! It's in the front now, where we planted some yummy white fleshed heirloom melon (neighbor side, for maximum growth) and ferry morse cucumbers (walkway side, for maximum harvesting).

I hear that's how you're s'posed to plant melons. in a pile of compost. how convenient we had one just right there!

it's way more fun to garden with a friend, though it is really soothing when i'm mad at the world or otherwise out of sorts.

then i harvested dino kale, collards (from the trees! i love them. they had a lot of aphid pockets though. ew.), a mess of nasturtiums and a bunch of green onions. yummmmmm. guess what's for lunch today?

omg!!! ponies!!!

it's a great weekend, i think, if i dunk my feet in the ocean, laugh a lot, meditate, turn the compost or otherwise enjoy the garden, see old friends and new ones, ride a ride that costs "tickets" and kiss.

so i missed out on one of those, but the rest- check!

and THEN, on the way home last night, after 45 minutes of bridge traffic and about 4 hours of freeway in general, i saw the best bumper sticker ever. it went by too fast for ms miro to see, so i chased it down! that lil adventure got us over the hump and well into alameda county (ahh, the hooome stretch). the sticker said:

omg!!!!!!
PONIES!!!!!!

i guess this is some geek meme. whatever man, i love it.

xoxooxoxo
r

color me converted

i sang "Matt for mayor," that's for sure. but damn, Gav, you're convincing.

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2007/06/san_francisco_m.php

dinner date

i don't want to go to the city (as planned) tonight, but i do want to have a dinner date.

hmm. maybe by the time i get out of my office, take the shuttle to BART and walk home, someone will be there to eat with me. I think my chances are good.

cause i can't spend a third evening with that waki paki. that would really be codependent. and energy sucking, too, maybe. but fun.... ahahahahah i have 2 o'clock meeting. guess i better put on some lipstick. oh, and read the memo.

"come & get me, god"

i let my mantras come to me. usually they're pretty basic: "thanks, god" "help me be more truly me" etc. last night, after a lil secret ritual of manifestation, this one came.

and today i got 2 job offers: 1 for dancing, and 1 for cash.

i made a big deal of this corporate sell out, but what in the hell for? oh yeah, for the money. and the stability. but my 3 goals are for love, health and peace. can i have peace without a 9-5? and can i get healthcare working for {dance co}?

5 month review (we get a little slammed here, and put things off) is thursday. under consideration.

i heard it on NPR

in a story about barry bonds, and why his SF fans don't care if he does use crazy drugs. it's because they're from "notoriously tolerant San Francisco." I think it's an extension of "California values," and i like it!

earthhugger

yes yes things are changing

i am out about my desire for wedded bliss

i am zen about the current prospects

i am also still a smelly treehugger. no wait! a sexy treehugger. here's my latest carbon score:


Thank you for supporting Live Earth and
for completing the Live Impact calculator.
You are taking the first step to a more
environmentally balanced lifestyle!

YOUR ECP SCORE IS: 204

YOUR CARBON OUTPUT IS: 6.5 TONS PER YEAR

damn, gina! i thought i was doing ok! i guess that car has something to do with it...

independence day

i had a feeling this morning that something important would happen. some of it was the dramatic eyebrows that smash & the zaz gave about special k and the shorty both being here, and some of it was otherwise. i knew something would come of it. that i would be cool and easy, and not be on a date with either one, and that they would see that, and they would see each other, and would respond. and it was true. i think they both responded well. eheh

but most of all, i'm happy to be sleeping alone tonight. when i tolk K that the girls were trying to seduce me (whic was true, and a little scary), he said "they're smart." jesus.

i was not allowed to have a date for the party because i rock when i am just me. and it's the most fun to rock.

yesyesyes! i DO got grapes.

this one breathes a lot

this is what i look at when i leave work. or when i look out the window. and it doesn't really make me want to live in san francisco, as much as i love a bunch of people who live there. it's sunny here on the east side. and see how SF is under a blanket? paradoxically, it's not warm under there.

SUCK IT!

thank you Maggie, for being Super #1 Tier 1. you save my life a bunch. thanks for being real and hilarious and hot and broken and awesome and whatever you really are in whatever moment we find each other. "Did oyu feel that?" Even if you can't come to the bbq with your sexy beyonce, i still love you the most. I don't even care about your other friends, cause I know there's enough SuperMaggie to go around.

as for you tier 2 dissers and mass emailers who can't return phone calls, please see this posts's title! booyah.

oh yes

I'm free! Here's a tidbit: until this weekend, I had a home in Austin. I had a lease, anyway, and was occasionally nervous about how that would work out. I live in Berkeley, right, and have for the past 7+ months. Well, it worked out fine! I'm off. I live here 100% for real. For sure.

(on the DL)

i started doin it with the shorty (who is pretty tall, really) again. it's fun, it's easy. it suits my life. Biz made it happen. well, the Biz and gmail. weird how technology changes our lives. that and the real estate market.

it's a good weekend. the deck is turning yellow, and the boy (the jus) is talking even as he's leaving. the countdown is serious. it's an excellent weekend, maybe.

genius humor child

Q: "What did the What say to the What?"

A: "You wanna?!"

who's late for work?

D DAY

maybe. we'll see. last night i dreamt about war. the night before i dreamt of a lovely artist's residency in oregon (that looked a whole lot like djerassi) that i had to share with hippies. dirty ones, and i was happy. i woke up and was *thrilled to be in my pretty room in my fluffy bed.

today may be the end of an era. it may not. it also may be the first (and last) day i go to ruby skye. the day i see biz markie. the first day in many that i eat too much chocolate. i am still happy.

alien me: SPOTTED!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gawker/617501047/in/photostream/

I did go out of town. But I did NOT go to Coney Island for a corndog at the Mermaid Parade. This is not me. But it really looks like me. That is someone in New York with a wig that looks like my hair, who stole my shirt and sunglasses and is wearing a crappy necklace I would never wear. who is also blowing a corndog. EEEK.

summary

this is the part where i write about all of the lessons i learned in ptown. all of the realizations that a little distance and a little perspective and One Good Date showed me. most of them are things people have been telling me, or i've been telling people, for a while now. sometimes it takes a change of scenery for them to really settle in.

1) i need to spend more time at home
2) i truly want a partner, and i want it to be a man. i had to bail town on pride weekend because i didn't want to confuse myself with internalized gay pride all over again.
3) i will let myself be pursued. no more of this say what i want and see if he gives it up shit. i am going to live my [full] life, i am going to do what i need to do, and i will trust that he will show up or find me and make my life better. until then, i am doing my own bad ass shit. i know i know i know, you've all told me. now i heard.
4) i really have to start roller skating again. i f*king LOVE roller derby.

hmm. that was easy! welcome home, cookie.

whee!

I'm taking a trip! I'm getting on a plane for the first time this year! Oh wait, I flew to LA in January. I'm getting on a plane for the first time in 6 months! yayayyaya!

I'm going to Rose City. And I'm going to, as usual, see some indie rock, shop some vintage, drink some coffee, and breathe tree breath. Yippee!

i think i'm ready now

that's all. for the real thing this time.

psychic vacation

i am taking 2 days off work because i am having a baby breakdown. last weekend's wedding or homeless hippies with their life partners and no social skills, plus a night of hyphy and turning away a perfectly acceptable life partner really put me through the ringer.

i took yesterday to sleep and read and run around with malinda and maggie (and almost hit the USRDA of 10000 steps), and then today i felt even sicker.

today i'm reading starhawk, connecting to my inner pagan, watching Heavenly Creatures, and getting ready for a***, the night visitor.

i think i'll be ready for some structure and capitalist heirarchy tomorrow. if i am ever ready for that shit.

sick Otto

my big silver baby's been having trouble for a while...check engine light, busted windshield wiper, then last week's flat tire. Sad lil Otto still looks so cute and runs so fast. And parks great...and I got him washed, so I'm not a completely negligent mama...but now it's time to take him to the doctor. Mostly because I have money in the bank and no $1-400 traffic offense tickets to pay.

should I go here:
or here?

SF or East Bay? It's the eternal question. I think this time I'm going west. We'll see how it goes.

speechless

Me: that pic is fn funny. anyway, wanna come over for nap time later? sweet.
__: probably can't just f* off from work at 3 (prime napping time), but i might make a run out to the 510 later today.
i spose i can break you off before i return
Me: (ten minutes later) that's great.

Flat tire! bras! and why are my friends so weird?

oh right, i realized, 11:30pm, green muck on my face, a shoelace around my head, sewing my friend/housemate/family member's purple silk wedding sarong, wearing a paint by numbers cowboy shirt with a sick, too-sensitive-for-this-world friend sick in my bed. Oh, and a purse full of underwear and beauty products (new ones! payday!), with my car 3/4 of a mile down the street, flat-ted out.

It's cause I'm pretty damn weird myself. Then I went to sleep on the couch. And called AAA in the morning, because I didn't pay that annual membership fee for nothin.

I hope my reasoning holds for the "hot friends" question too!

Today I will fix the tire, replace my windshield wiper, buy a pregnancy test, and try to get a little rest. Or yoga.

home run

Have I mentioned yet how much I LOVE MY CSA? I LOVE IT. I've had "farm boxes" before, as everyone knows, and you may remember me desperately trying to send you home with a pound or four of tomatoes or potatoes at some point. I remember a veggie basket in the pantry @ highfive house that was always holding a pound or two of sprouting potatoes. This box from Eatwell Farm is different. There's always a mix of veggies and fruits - strawberries, cherries, & apples, so far, and greens- baby lettuces, "stir fry mix," cabbages (so far THREE different kinds), roots and herbs. HERBS! ok, we used to get basil by the bushel, but these herbs vary.

We have gotten a lot of parsley. If anything, it's the only thing we've OD'ed on. but we've also gotten lemon balm (YUM), basil (just the right amount!) and rose geranium. I expect we'll get lavender, too, because the farm is AKA "Lavender Farm." WTF is rose geranium? Rose Geranium and Lavender are cosmetic herbs! The only point of them is that they smell good and you can put em in your hair/makeup/lotion. and of course, your tea.

I love it. Get your own, bitches. It's only 60 miles away! Or come over on Wednesday for the freshest pickins. YUMMY!

pet peeve

when the receptionist puts the content of the message in the subject field. aaahh! the worst! how the hell am i supposed to read that?

love,
marcom

hot friends!

why are my friends So Hot?!

and why is every day So Long! i think there's a relationship here...

yesterday, AFTER a full day of work, I had: pick up the farm box, dinner date (oh the deck), a birthday party, networking on the way home, home improvement. It's not a wonder that 7am feels REALLY EARLY. But everyone's so irresistible, and the sun is shining, so why not, really. I love summertime.

Some days i feel REALLY connected

and i remember that I'm good at throwing parties where rad people meet (& fall in love or into bed). I had forgotten, being the one who was "back in town," but now it's all coming back to me. I know hellllla people. and they mostly all ROCK. Extra specially you, readerbabies.

oh and i don't feel like doing "pork is bad and so is shrimp" research today. so do your own, if you want to ruin dim sum for yourself. xo

bff :(

i took Lil Lola to the airport last night. :( She's gone for 6 weeks!!! We go through phases, talking every day, hanging out 2-3-4 times a week, then not seeing at all. but there's always the phone, always the option to forward her my annoying boy email.

le sigh. i did get an extra 45 minutes with her, though, when she missed her AM flight and I got to drive her to the airport at 10 last night! that was nice.

because in addition to QT, we processed the day's IMs (annoying) and talked about nervous systems and misunderstandings and oh what do you know, i ended up oh so very close to the baby boy's house. so i stopped by for a minute. and in between rounds, i asked him "how old are you" and he told me what I already knew, and he asked me "same question" and i [laughs].

and then i said "can we make some plans?" and he said "do we have to have A Talk now?" and i said "NO. Talks give me hives." and then we did it again.

and all is good.

yesterday's stats:
158/5950/40m/2/$30

dim sum is ruining the world!

think about it: all of that pork and shrimp, eaten every day, as though it were innocuous as tea & crumpets. I'll provide stats later about how those two proteins are so ecologically ruinous. but i just had this epiphany and I wanted to share it with YOU!

did you know?

That there's a rustic boardwalk in Emeryville? That it goes out to the sweetest Marina and park in the middle of the Bay? As I add steps to my morning commute, I'm parking a little farther away and taking the scenic route down the old boardwalk into work. Very centering. Very nice. Can you see the cars in the distance? Nope, me neither.

i am pissed at my roommates

because they think they're sooo tragic sometimes. like their lives are soo full of sadness and injustice and unwarranted burdens upon them. but come on. they hang out, smoke pot, buy shit (no really, LOTS of it. but you know that, you've seen my house), and take naps. of course they're bored and make up drama, and of course when there's something to do it feels like a MASSIVE taxing project.

come on now, you two. you threw a bachelorette party at the beach, and then you came home. you caused a drama attack when everyone was supposed to be having fun, and now you've been "recovering" from a 2-day getaway for a day and a half. that's insane.

it's also rude to leave 6 bags of perishables in the middle of the kitchen. but of course you know that it will drive me crazy and so yes, i took care of the rotting parts. you're welcome.

btw: rent was due a week ago. if you're not paying, do you think I could have mine back? that would rule.

Let's apply all this knowledge

Things I need to work on:

1) Photograph better (learn some good poses. make those faces a lot.)
2) Eat better> Ok, just eat less.
3) more exercise
4) less driving
5) More creative pursuits
6) Less telling other people what to do
7) Winking


Things I'm okay with for now: Either they're in fine shape or I'm not going to overwhelm myself with taking on more. This is known as "knowing my limits."
1) level of meditation (but don't slip!)/prayer
2) smoking
3) sex
4) relationships

Things I'm really happy about now:
Eating local/home grown veggies
my new room design & cleaning (photos to come)
brazilian! (um i'll spare you)
best friends ever! (see right! plus the ones who are unphoto'd!)
and my new friend Tala. Which means "baby palm tree."

love R

inner spiral

I've been telling other people How it Is a bunch lately. Three of them that I can think of, just that easily. Who do i think i am?

(work post) my favorite!

is when mr mcwhiney has NOTHING to do with any part of the process, and then shows up to tell me how to do it. don't you love that? me too.

yay work. please send dilbert cartoons.

how berkeley can we be

Returning from my 12-step meeting, i walked into a room choking with the aroma of weed, yet somehow visibly clear. I tried to chat but couldn't breathe. I quickly scuttled to the kitchen. Carlo followed not far behind.

"What's your rising sign?"
"Taurus."
[Carlo nods, returns to the smoke]

I came back to photograph the scene-- because this is real life?

• Carlo stands (in front of a chair), flipping through a magazine.
• Xianna sits, starting sentences, asking questions, saying she looks like she's from the 60s from the swoosh of her hair.
• The Smash grins ahead
• Zaz text messages a friend in Napa. for 10 minutes. one text message.
• and the Jus, of course, strums the guitar on the floor. nevermind that KALX is playing folk music in the next room.

if only the reflection of me as photographer would show- i stood in the doorway for a good few minutes, trying to get a nighttime exposure to work.

ah, berkeley.

and again!

I'm blogging like a madwoman today. Why? because I'm leaving work any minute to go get a culture and maybe an IUD! Isn't that what they give poor women in third world countries? No! it's the wave of the modern world. Maybe. One expert [whose number is in my cell phone] agrees: go for it. Especially as lax as I am about, ahem, security. oh my god, people, please tell no one what you read here.

post script: the doctor actually recommended against the IUD because, as with everything else, I am not with my One Life Partner. i can deal with this single woman thing most of the time, but come on! i can't even get the birth control i want because of it?! this is getting out of hand. i am TRYING, people!