gawd, you're hot.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
choices
my shoulders are in my ears because of the strange keyboard setup i'm sitting at, but here we go anyway:
i feel like i'm making a choice. it's not that one or the other is any more possible or probable, but that in choosing the matrix, i have turned off the possibility of hawaii. even though neither knows a bit, and neither had in fact made any offers.
i felt, or maybe i was told, or maybe i knew, the other night, walking into the crowbar (was it just yesteraY??) bathroom, that in choosing mr white matrix, that i had thus set into motion the next several years of my life. and when those years are over, i'll emerge, with kids, a completely different woman. and maybe that's when it'll be right with hawaii.
that last part is the part that worries me: the contingency. i am thinking too much and gardening not enough. also too much sex and not enough tea talking. as if that could ever be so.
and so: the techno ideas. what to do when the answer to "what are you into?" is something fundamentally opposed to the venue in which you're asked the question? can i build a virtual garden that mirrors or projects or at least algorithmizes (nice) that season's outdoor plan? so that I could honor what I think is real, even as I learn a whole new series of skills? languages.
it's so hot. i'm jumping headfirst into the technofuture right now. and I like the brilliance of the people i see around me. i love the fire they ignite in me, the bar to which I'm expected to rise. i like it a lot.
i feel like i'm making a choice. it's not that one or the other is any more possible or probable, but that in choosing the matrix, i have turned off the possibility of hawaii. even though neither knows a bit, and neither had in fact made any offers.
i felt, or maybe i was told, or maybe i knew, the other night, walking into the crowbar (was it just yesteraY??) bathroom, that in choosing mr white matrix, that i had thus set into motion the next several years of my life. and when those years are over, i'll emerge, with kids, a completely different woman. and maybe that's when it'll be right with hawaii.
that last part is the part that worries me: the contingency. i am thinking too much and gardening not enough. also too much sex and not enough tea talking. as if that could ever be so.
and so: the techno ideas. what to do when the answer to "what are you into?" is something fundamentally opposed to the venue in which you're asked the question? can i build a virtual garden that mirrors or projects or at least algorithmizes (nice) that season's outdoor plan? so that I could honor what I think is real, even as I learn a whole new series of skills? languages.
it's so hot. i'm jumping headfirst into the technofuture right now. and I like the brilliance of the people i see around me. i love the fire they ignite in me, the bar to which I'm expected to rise. i like it a lot.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
so sad!
weird. "so i'm leaving in a couple of days"
did we just break up? there wasn't anything to break, was there? i'm totally sad now. no appetite confused sad.
did we just break up? there wasn't anything to break, was there? i'm totally sad now. no appetite confused sad.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
i like boys
i like them a lot. i like the ones who are really good at kissing. the ones who cut down trees cause the feng shui is off, who know how to build things and to do it artfully and respectfully and crazy resourcefully just because.
and the millionaire who offered the yummiest grounding sense by putting his arm around me at different points in the party, bringing me back to earth so that i can happily fly away again.
yum. i like it. i may have to start lying about my age, though, cause they're getting to be younger than i am.
nah
and the millionaire who offered the yummiest grounding sense by putting his arm around me at different points in the party, bringing me back to earth so that i can happily fly away again.
yum. i like it. i may have to start lying about my age, though, cause they're getting to be younger than i am.
nah
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