liz and i care about our health

After the bbq at Malinda's, we wanted to make sure the beef hadn't hit too hard. Too late.

and again

today i:

put on my own shoes with moderate ease.

took the stairs one at a time, up and down. (with grimace).

took out the trash.

sat for more than an hour at a public event. then i left.

had to leave work early because of an excruciating spasm in my right shoulder.

today i still can't:

disconnect the washing machine from the sink.

open my mouth wide enough to fit a sandwich

reach my face with my left hand: which means i can't apply mousturizer, do my hair, eat with my left hand, or put on lipstick.

carry a bag home from the grocery (2 blocks) without screaming pain in my shoulder.

baby steps. just because i feel "better every day" doesn't mean I "am better."

this is new

today i can walk an almost normal pace.

yesterdy i was on 1/2 gear, the one before even first, where everyone looks at you funny cause why are you walking So Slow when you look totally normal? oh, is that why you're also crying?

last night i rolled over and kissed my lover. softly.

this morning i got up and out of bed, without worrying for 20, 30, 40 minutes, if i would be able to.

I haven't woken up crying for at least three nights.

the thing about Big Pharma is that they are making me feel like myself again. Fun, easy, and able. and i can' thelp but be grateful. so so so grateful. i even washed some clothes last night.

Postscript:
I also trudged home at five pm in tears, knowing i couldn't walk far enough to get to the movie i had hoped to see. and i had to call up for drug delivery, because there was no way i could climb the stairs. but the drugs kicked in over dinner, and then i made it home. and thank god for sexual helaing on top of it all.