chips and chocolate

there is no way to start and fill in the gaps since i last blogged. tonight i had chips and chocolates for dinner, as my re-heated thai food cooled on the table. when the baby cries, i usually respond. he's so beautiful and so exhausting. i want to stare at him for days on end and i want to leave him with his grandmother and go shopping. for a walk. anything. this time is short, though, so i am not sweating the fact that i haven't left the property for several days (wait- no- i went to the pharmacy** on christmas, so it's only 2 days...), or just changed from one set of pjs into a new one at 5pm. this baby's going to grow up and i'll never have him so tiny and new again. so buying new pants, or finding the ones i used to wear, will have to wait. besides, his dad gave me this crappy box of chocolates for christmas, so why let them go to waste?

so you- come on over- and let's go for a walk. xoxo r


** baby has what doc thinks is staph !?!?! on his lil thighs and armpits. those baby folds go deep, and you can miss these things. poor lil guy is on antibiotics. so i'm eating yogurt for two.

1 h@d a baby

51 hours in the hospital. i really need to write more about it. most inexperienced birth team ever, maybe, and the best ever...mostly. dad is on my shitlist, but what else is new? i'm not impressed with his lack of intention in his "presence". seems like the two of us just really don't understand one another At All. irritating, cause we made a damn fine baby.

today some interesting things happened: i went to the doctor, i started crying, i couldn't stop crying, i took a nap, maybe, and then got some nursing gear...then i coughed and am pretty sure i started bleeding. this sh* is how do you say intense?