1 h@d a baby

51 hours in the hospital. i really need to write more about it. most inexperienced birth team ever, maybe, and the best ever...mostly. dad is on my shitlist, but what else is new? i'm not impressed with his lack of intention in his "presence". seems like the two of us just really don't understand one another At All. irritating, cause we made a damn fine baby.

today some interesting things happened: i went to the doctor, i started crying, i couldn't stop crying, i took a nap, maybe, and then got some nursing gear...then i coughed and am pretty sure i started bleeding. this sh* is how do you say intense?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the house looks good. big, not designed with exactly the right rooms, but workable. clean. standing. gas stove. good light. it's a go.

and "daddy" arrived in town and wants to get together tonight.

AND THERE'S A STEREO IN MY CAR for the first time in 6 months.

I'm supposed to laundry (and my job) on a day like this?????

It's all I can do to keep breathing. Man.

things i would like to say but wont

these chips are a better baby daddy than you are

your fiction sucks anyway

...to be continued.

I'm keeping them here so that in real life i can Be the Better Dude.