it's the new style

it's weird thinking about gaining weight, when you've spent most of your life being borderline anorexic (not that you'd know) and both healthily and not healthfully obsessed with food.

all of my paranoias about hormones and pesticides are through the roof now. my body, paradoxically, is giving me messages like "hot dog NOW." and "those donuts will make me feel better." and it's/i'm right. but today i've gone back to most of the old ways, organic, with flax oil, fresh, whole. it feels good. and i'll have the donut later.

so freaking weird. i may never do this again (an old/new again friend reminded me), so i may as well do it consciously. quit with the fire breathing yoga yesterday, at least temporarily, and while i felt like a pussy and a quitter, the new class was just right for my energy level and body-centered paranoia. so amen for that.

in other news, i slept through the night. does the fascinating news never cease??

reasons to thank god

I parked on the thursday street cleaning side last night. I was supposed to ride BART this morning, but getting out of bed is monumental these days. And when i got to the car at 8:30, there was not a ticket. AND i got to work on time.

then something else happened, but who can remember such things?

well, lots of things. fewer in the "crisis averted and money saved" category.

also, could someone please take me to see willie nelson this summer? that would be really great.

love
r

i am up to date with the tax man!

woooooohoooooooooooooo

thank you, Professional Help. it is really my new favorite to pay people to do things I don't know how to do. they do *such* a better job!

barbie medicine

i spend a lot of time thinking about food- what will be the best option, what will prevent the barfs, etc. lately i've been going back to the foods of my childhood- fried fish, potato chips, spaghetti. simple american junk. it's afternoon and hot outside and i'm going for the barbie medicine. my lil sister may have coined the name long after i had ditched her, but i'm using it. Make it for yourself and feel fabulous:

into one soup bowl, place:
1 scoop (blue bell, the best tasting ice cream...in the country) vanilla ice cream
then drizzle it well with chocolate sauce

put your bowl on the side table and watch david letterman or some other too-late and not quite programmed for kids TV show.

after 8-10 minutes have passed, stir. If you have a thick, light to medium brown soup, you've done it! Eat it slowly with a tiny spoon. feed it to your barbies and watch their miraculous recoveries!

by the way, If you've left it too long, and the soup is thin, START OVER. This is one dish that can't be salvage-cooked.

keeping my feet up

this is tricky, this secret-keeping business. it would be much easier to explain why i'm not to lift heavy things (when the company is moving and i'm expected to pack up my office) or stand up too much...if i weren't waiting until the news was sure.

it would also be nice if there were a partner in the picture. and so i wrote that message this morning, which was good: "appreciate me (you used to think i was great), get annoyed, if you must, at the situation. quit being a jerk to me, please." or something like that. you know.

the power of suggestion

BECAUSE OF YOU (maggie)

i am eating pb&j for breakfast. yummmmy!

i would like to cry right now

just got off the chat box with daddy

sudden end was a little bit of a jolt

rationally, it was a good conversation (and it's also good that we have now had a conversation), but there is no getting around the facts that
he is in thailand and
he is 24

i am at work, now, and he is getting drunk.

house-making

i got up this morning and accidentally started cooking.

grapefruit and kiwi salad with shredded apple and coconut

and

spicy homemade split peas with carrots.

i left the radishes on the side and am again impressed with my improving ability to make tasty food with only the guidance of my lil brain.

yummy!

aaaand now i'm not

everything changes in just the blink of an eye, doesn't it?

i want to paint my bedroom
i want to paint it this color:









i want to meet that man in paris and i want us to live happily ever after.

even if it's in Oakland.