pendulum

and now i am awake at 2am and i fell asleep at 6:30pm and i hurt so bad.

my hands don't bend all the way and my medicine is on backorder and i need my medicine because i am not yet healed. and i am sort of afraid that this lapse will take me back to square 2, or 3, far from the advanced state i was in.

dammit.

and i miss her soooo badly and i want so badly to kiss her and feel her hands, her fist, her everything, and to wake up and roll over to her, or find her wrapped around me. this stuffed gorilla is not having the desired effect.

i wish the free time i had was concentrated into days, instead of these infernal empty evenings. and that i had already written the CA$H application.