juxtaposition

this show i saw last night made me really uncomfortable. and really appreciative, of the artists' openness, rawness, vulnerability- but in the end it made me feel sad. it made me feel like the world is kind of sad, like we are all a little doomed like is this the only way to find wholeness? to subject audiences to your shedding skin?

cause i really hate that feeling. i really hate being reminded. i really need to be affirmed when i make good choices (like going to jon sims to support emerging artists who are cute), and i don't like being told that my mother's going to disappear, that i'm going to stub my toe when i'm dancing.

todd has pneumonia, archana's mom is so sick that arch is going to visit, and dwayne is getting alternately sicker and louder. there is enough reason to be sad, okay, and so fuck art that makes you sad too. fuck it for real.

except when i'm sad because some bitch is pulling drama and i can't add all my stupid credit card balances to one big 0% card, even for 6 months, and i really need to listen to some sad music. i think music is a different thing, because like reading, it can be sooo private. here is a song i wrote, listen to it in your private space. here is a book i wrote, you may never see my face beyond my dust jacket.

but performance is let me invade your day, let me exist and share your air, let me take you out of the beautiful weather and tell you something. all i'm saying is if that's what i'm asking, i had better have something good to share.

so there. thank you for being my friend.