lately i'm wondering where exactly i learned to be so ambitious, so demanding, so exacting in my requirements: from other people, from the world, from myself. What? From my mom, single & professional, bouncing us back & forth between Texas and the midwest, until she married a man with a nice house? Or from my dad, who lost his high profile banking career pretty early in [my] life, and spent the rest fishing and drinking?
Is it something to escape, or something i have to prove? Because I really want things to Be Right (see communication, below) and I want them to be that way Now.
And even so, I so enjoy these moments of interim. When they are past, and there's no changing them, I've lately learned to abandon regret. Somehow it's all in the pre-show. The better better more more more is all in the pre and present, and once it's past, it's all free. To be whatever it is, without judgement, all lesson material.
If only I spent more time looking- looking back, reviewing, filing that information for next time, than rebuilding the wheels. huh.
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