life and death

it's been a big week. complain about being alone and bored, and man do the wheels move.

i watched my grandmother die...almost. i visited her for two days, and on the third the room smelled different. wouldn't it be a paradox if i could smell it only because i'm pregnant? it smelled different because it smelled like a person dying. i cried and swabbed her mouth and told her stories and cried and refilled my water bottle. then i kissed her goodnight and told her she'd be fine wherever she went. i'm sure she is. it's a little tough to think that her body is still sitting in a refrigerator though. i wish it weren't about to be embalmed.

hear this, internet- i do not need preservatives. please wrap me in muslin and bury me by a tree--or overlo0king the ocean-- please.

couldn't get the smell out of my nose even after a day away...so i stayed in the L0ne Star State one more night. there's no need to bring that part home.