false starts- and a real one

it's felt like i'm trying new things, trying and they're just not working, trying so many different, disparate things, and feeling lost and wrong and am i a lost soul?

and then i came back, and i moved into this house. and i didn't mean to, but i started dancing again. and i got an office job that's so office it's like TV. quarterly this timesheets clients and the competition. but i WANT it, and I'm sticking to it. just like i WANT to be figuring this shit out, and having these beautiful people do this weird dumb shit for me, and I want to live in the burbs.

and the story goes like this:

different things. they don't make sense, really. malinda is a god figure and erin is me.

i'm going to quote people in this section: emma, sean, myself, maybe ann.

then when erin gets up off the floor like kathleen, all rocking and kung fu, is & steven are going to emerge. she's going to run right smack into them, and they're going to swirl. perhaps they'll pose. they'll do different things, and roll their heads, and erin will realize that her moves make sense. and she and malinda will set the table, one last time, and they'll perhaps do it cooperatively, and she'll light the candle and the lights will go out.

and the audience will barf - but for tonight i DO like a happy ending.

because:
i didn't know WTF i was doing, but i did know who i wanted to do it with.
and then i did know what i wanted to do- only it was slightly different from what i was actually doing, so i had to get out. it was close. it was not it
so i went back where i had come form, and accidentally i started doing the old things
and at the same time, i persevered, and i did the right things
and i got a life coach- or maybe i just learned to take it slow
and it was the people that made the difference.

literally:
putting her hair on is looking for work?

setting the table is making the home

bookie desk is

being a tree is

swirling around is...

where & when we do art

and the orchestra, well, the orchestra is the whole thing.

i can't wait to play cut ups. thank heavens for my cameo actors! (and of course, props to jasper johns. et al. )