i am afraid of my body. i am poisoning it so that it won't tell me what it wants to. it is holding things that make me cry when they come out, and so i'm moving less and less variously, so that results will be predictable.
i am enchanted with the weathervane. it's a grid turned diagonal, and it is fascinating and wild and feels safe like a grid and free like the weather.
i wish someone would come along and put all of these pieces together and show my what the hell the picture is. i wish that person was me, actually.
i am going to the studio tomorrow, and i am going to cry. beforehand, i'm watching movies about my family. and after, meeting with the boy i played house with just a couple years ago. i am perhaps losing my mind, just like i always have been.
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