today i went to class, after a good long shower and debate on the street corner, and then i left early. thank you chronic, intensifying pain.
last night i came home hurting- i grabbed a syringe and an alcohol pad and went into the bathroom. i expect my roommate's visiting sister thinks i'm a junkie. and to a certain extent she's right.
so this morning my tendons had become razor wire. apparently my pharma cure wanted a little longer to kick in. no grande plies? what? i cried, actually, instead of improvising. shut myself up into the shower in between the bathrooms at the dance studio and sobbed my broken heart out.
my tendons are still barbed wire, only now they're getting covered with cotton, and I'm supposed to go to another class in the morning.
anyway, my new boy toy showed up looking delicious to meet me after rehearsal, and took me on a walk to the park, smoking cigarettes in the swings. she gave me a cd too, and sounds like the sweetest songbird ever. "hang on, i'm coming for you."
so i light my candles, for love and for peace, and a stick of quieting incense, and i think about how these days might get shorter someday, before the flames on the ends of this candle meet.
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